It starts right after the back-to-school sales end; stores ramp up for the holidays. It begins with Halloween candy tempting us at every turn, scary masks, and haunted houses. Then it turns quickly to Thanksgiving where we over indulge in food, friends and family come from out of town and table manners should rival Emily Post. Let's be real, Christmas decorations really start going up amidst the masks and turkeys in the stores. How is a child supposed to keep it together? Add giftedness to the equation and it is a recipe for disaster that rivals Aunt Emma's fruitcake!
We've all been there. We take our bright little darlings in their finest Christmas sweater to meet Santa and all of a sudden the meltdown of all meltdowns occur in the middle of the mall. Before you think that your child will be permanently placed on Santa's naughty list, let's break down what is happening from their perspective. The sweaters are itchy and scratchy and likely, super hot. Santa, while a jolly old elf, can be a bit intimidating. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas is blaring from the store speakers. The crowds are insane- pushing and shoving and tall. And to top it all off, there are TOYS everywhere. Who is surprised that our precocious bundles of Christmas joy turn into melted piles of goo on top of the fake, fluffy snow?
The good news is that your child isn't being naughty at all. Your child is experiencing emotional overexcitability. Gifted children are especially prone to EO. Dr. Susan Daniels and Dr. Kazimierz Dobrowski describe EO as a heightened and sometimes uncontrollable ability and to respond to stimuli. It can be in many forms: psychomotor, emotional, sensual, intellectual and imaginational.
It's not surprising that this time of year lends itself to EO meltdowns. So what can we do to keep our kids off the perceived naughty list?
First, understand what is happening. We, as parents, need to be one step ahead of EO. Recognize that so much stimuli can cause even the most controlled child to lose it occasionally. We need to pay attention to the stimuli that can trigger their EO and try to minimalize it as much as possible.
Here are some suggestions and intervention strategies:
1. Understand what is controllable and uncontrollable. You may not be able to control the amount of toys on display at Target but you can control how many times they are exposed to them. Solo shopping may be best. It's hard to curb the bad case of the "I want's" if they are cruising the aisles. Children have heightened imaginations at this time and they can visualize quite intensely how a toy room stocked to the brim with action figures will look like. If you can't avoid shopping, this might be a good time to balance this with some crafts. Since their imaginations are on full tilt, what better time to engage them in some artistic outlet.
2. With winter comes more indoor play and less exercise. Children have pent up energy and need to be able to release it especially if they are expected to be on their best behavior at Aunt Edna's. Plan ahead and schedule some outdoor time taking a walk, or if the weather isn't cooperating, at an indoor recreation space. Running around and getting the wiggles out releases endorphins and will help calm them.
3. If you still have an emotional breakdown on your hands, don't panic. Stay calm. Acknowledge what your child is feeling. This is a good time to mirror what they say so they know you are hearing them. This is not a good time for an argument or fight. Their brains aren't development enough for rational thoughts during a meltdown. The best thing to do is remove them from the situation if possible, stay calm, and let it run its course. Later, when things are calm, you can then address the behavior not only to let them know that it may not have been the best option but to understand from their perspective what caused the meltdown in the first place.
And just remember, it's the most wonderful time of the year.....
Happy Holidays everyone!
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