'Tis the Season for Overexcitabilities

It starts right after the back-to-school sales end; stores ramp up for the holidays.  It begins with Halloween candy tempting us at every turn, scary masks, and haunted houses.  Then it turns quickly to Thanksgiving where we over indulge in food, friends and family come from out of town and table manners should rival Emily Post.  Let's be real, Christmas decorations really start going up amidst the masks and turkeys in the stores.  How is a child supposed to keep it together?  Add giftedness to the equation and it is a recipe for disaster that rivals Aunt Emma's fruitcake!

We've all been there.  We take our bright little darlings in their finest Christmas sweater to meet Santa and all of a sudden the meltdown of all meltdowns occur in the middle of the mall. Before you think that your child will be permanently placed on Santa's naughty list, let's break down what is happening from their perspective. The sweaters are itchy and scratchy and likely, super hot.  Santa, while a jolly old elf, can be a bit intimidating.  I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas is blaring from the store speakers. The crowds are insane- pushing and shoving and tall.  And to top it all off, there are TOYS everywhere. Who is surprised that our precocious bundles of Christmas joy turn into melted piles of goo on top of the fake, fluffy snow?

The good news is that your child isn't being naughty at all.  Your child is experiencing emotional overexcitability.   Gifted children are especially prone to EO. Dr. Susan Daniels and Dr. Kazimierz Dobrowski describe EO as a heightened and sometimes uncontrollable ability and to respond to stimuli.  It can be in many forms:  psychomotor, emotional, sensual, intellectual and imaginational.  

It's not surprising that this time of year lends itself to EO meltdowns. So what can we do to keep our kids off the perceived naughty list?  

First, understand what is happening.  We, as parents, need to be one step ahead of EO.  Recognize that so much stimuli can cause even the most controlled child to lose it occasionally. We need to pay attention to the stimuli that can trigger their EO and try to minimalize it as much as possible. 

Here are some suggestions and intervention strategies:

1. Understand what is controllable and uncontrollable.  You may not be able to control the amount of toys on display at Target but you can control how many times they are exposed to them.  Solo shopping may be best.  It's hard to curb the bad case of the "I want's" if they are cruising the aisles. Children have heightened imaginations at this time and they can visualize quite intensely how a toy room stocked to the brim with action figures will look like.  If you can't avoid shopping, this might be a good time to balance this with some crafts.  Since their imaginations are on full tilt, what better time to engage them in some artistic outlet.  

2. With winter comes more indoor play and less exercise.  Children have pent up energy and need to be able to release it especially if they are expected to be on their best behavior at Aunt Edna's.  Plan ahead and schedule some outdoor time taking a walk, or if the weather isn't cooperating, at an indoor recreation space.  Running around and getting the wiggles out releases endorphins and will  help calm them.  

3. If you still have an emotional breakdown on your hands, don't panic.  Stay calm.  Acknowledge what your child is feeling.  This is a good time to mirror what they say so they know you are hearing them.  This is not a good time for an argument or fight.  Their brains aren't development enough for rational thoughts during a meltdown.  The best thing to do is remove them from the situation if possible, stay calm, and let it run its course.  Later, when things are calm, you can then address the behavior not only to let them know that it may not have been the best option but to understand from their perspective what caused the meltdown in the first place.  

And just remember, it's the most wonderful time of the year.....

Happy Holidays everyone!  

Emotional Intelligence- It does exist!

Understanding emotions may be similar to trying to find other life forms on Mars, but the reality is they exist! Before I dive into why emotional awareness is important, let me address what emotions are. This may seem like a simple phenomenon, but is it? Think about this for a moment; when a person asks you, “how are you doing today?” and your automatic response is fine, what does that mean? What is ‘fine’ in relation to how you are actually feeling. That answer comes automatically for various reasons, but it isn’t the truth. The Miriam-Webster dictionary defines emotion as “a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body” (An Encyclopædia Britannica Company). This definition is loaded with complex terms. If we break it down emotions are the reactions we have to a certain event. The movie “Inside Out” by Disney Pixar is a fairly accurate picture of emotions. The movie presents the concept of basic emotions which can be dated back to the first-century (Burton, 2016). Paul Ekman, Professor Emeritus in Psychology at UCSF and leader in psychology, identifies six-basic emotions; joy, sadness, fear, disgust, anger, and surprise. My graduate professor went as far as to eliminate surprise and disgust stating that those fell under fear and anger. These four or six emotions are the control center of our mental state and behaviors. 

            Now that we understand that there are four or six basic emotions, we can look at why it is importance to have emotional awareness. As a school counselor, I am teaching emotional understanding and awareness to my students. Emotional awareness is the first step in emotional regulation. A high school teenager has a lot of emotions they are dealing with due to their biology and psychology. Neuroscience studies show that the adolescent brain doesn’t look like that of an adult’s until early 20s. Teenagers are constantly reacting to their emotions instead of regulating them. There are many risk factors during this age, because they have not developed the ability to control impulses or plan ahead (National Institute of Mental Health, 2011). You add hormones to the mix and there’s bound to be a lot of emotions! I believe that our thinking (Rational) controls our emotions (Emotive) and our emotions control our (Behaviors). This is the reason I teach emotional awareness and regulation to my student. Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy is the theory that I use in educating students. Once a student can identify their emotion then they can identify the thought associated with that emotion. Then we can use a variety of techniques to help them regulate their emotions. Mindfulness is a great tool to use as well, because it forces the student to stop thinking about the future and focus on the moment. What does this look like in action? For example, when a student is worried about a test or assignment I have them go through the following steps:

Step 1. Identify the emotion

Emotion: worry = fear.

 Step 2. Identify the thought that is causing that emotion. 

Thought: “I won’t do well, I’m going to fail, and if I fail I won’t graduate…” these thoughts continue to make the student feel worse and distract them from focusing on studying. 

Step 3. Refocus, Mindfulness Technique

I have the student take a moment to refocus by breathing and “clear his head” by mentally wiping away his thoughts. That way we can start with new thoughts to negate the previous ones. 

Step 4. Making Irrational Thoughts Rational, Role Play

During the last step, I would have the student write down thoughts that would make his irrational thought, “I’m going to fail”, rational. The student could come up with a variety up thoughts that would lessen his/her anxiety. They don’t have to be positive, but they have to be neutral. For example, “I have studied and prepared for this test. I’m going to do my best! Even if I do not get the grade I want, I will not be a failure”. This would be an example of making an irrational thought rational. This isn’t a Band-Aid technique or approach. It takes time to teach the student to do this on their own. 

Our adolescents and pre-teens have a lot of anxiety in this high pressure filled society. They are expected to excel in every area of their life. As social beings, we naturally compare ourselves to one another and idolize people who have achieved greatness. The need to measure up, work harder, and be better puts a strain on our student’s mental health. They need to have the proper tools to be able to endure this mental stress. This article hasn’t taken into consideration student’s who have a mental illness. The mental health of our students is vital! That is why it’s importance to understand, have awareness, and advocate for Emotional Intelligence. 

-Heather Couch, School Counselor at Covington Latin School